Silence is golden

Dear Public Restroom Phone-Talker,

What in your life is so all-important that you can’t take a timeout to tinkle?

Let me explain how this works: this Ladies’ room is Vegas. What happens here stays here.

When I shut the stall door, you don’t exist anymore, and I am dead to you. But you’re violating this little unspoken agreement. When you broadcast your private moments to your friends, you’re broadcasting mine as well.

As much as I appreciate the in-stall entertainment, I really don’t need a moment by moment account of Junior’s soccer practice. I don’t need to hear about any mysterious rashes. And I don’t need to hear all about your bad blind date with a mouth-breather… With the amount of over-sharing going on, I kind of feel like we’re having a bad blind date right here.

Are you so afraid of being alone that you can’t be in a bathroom stall by yourself? Your friends must be extremely selfless people to agree to listen to your conversation plus soundtrack… By the way, is it okay if I flush now? I wouldn’t want to interrupt anyone’s train of thought or anything.

Maybe you’re trying to prove your multi-tasking skills. But if you have so much going on that you can’t take a potty-pause, maybe you’re stretched too thin. Besides, the bathroom is for biznis not business.

Do us all a favor: hang it up or hold it, Honey.

Sincerely,
RJ