Archive | 6:30 pm

My life is not enriched by your technology

24 Jun

Dear Electric Paper Towel Dispenser Manufacturers,

The old pull-the-towel-out-the-dispenser model was so terrible!

There were exactly zero barriers between my wet hand and the dry towel. Awful! Efficiency experts everywhere are crying because they have no jobs.

It’s much better when I can:

  1. Spend a full minute waving my hand in front of a sensor—like an idiot
  2. Attempt to dry my hands with the meager scrap of towel that eventually appears
  3. Repeat steps one and two, because step two is a cruel joke
  4. Have the joy of knowing I’ve just wasted electricity, valuable minutes of my life, and a small piece of my dignity

I would like to shake the hand of the genius who decided that advanced paper towel technology was necessary to humanity. Then again, I’m sure it’s a wet, shriveled hand that hasn’t been adequately dried in several years. So…pass.

Let’s just file this whole product family under “Technology that Doesn’t Deserve to Live” and move on.

But maybe I’m missing something… Maybe this useless, time-wasting invention has a greater meaning…

I get it now. You’re trying to get us all to slow down and appreciate the little moments. To smell the roses, as the saying goes.

Too bad your product lives in a public restroom.

I think this is what the Internets call a FAIL.

Sincerely,

RJ