Dear Daytime TV Marketers,
You inspire me!
I’m pretty sure I would make a stellar Harley Davidson mechanic. Obviously, you feel it too, otherwise I’m sure you wouldn’t have wasted your time and money by showing me this commercial for their specialized training program 70 times in the last hour.
I’m not sure how you (and the Universe) sensed this about me. I mean, I am watching a Teen Mom rerun at 11:00 a.m., but how did you know I was currently without meaningful occupation?
And in case the Harley thing doesn’t work out, you’ve been good enough to give me a plan B…
All I have to do is duplicate your goofy turtle drawing, and the fame and fortune of the art world await me! I already have stars in my eyes. (Which, unfortunately, may be interfering with my ability to copy your masterpiece.)
But you’re not just good for general life direction, you’re also good at life-saving. Before you, Marketers, it never occurred to me that I could be minding my business in the kitchen–and WHAM–I could fall and spend the next 12 hours whimpering pathetically on the floor.
That is why from now on I will be accessorizing every outfit with a versatile Life Alert necklace. (Why am I carrying this clunky, old iPhone, anyway?) While I’m at it, maybe I’ll throw in a Bumpit! My hair is looking a little flat, now that you mention it.
I feel like a better person already. But don’t worry. I’ll remember how much you helped me when I’m rich and famous. Maybe you can even put me in your commercial.
I’ll just pencil you in… Right between Keeping Up with the Kardashians and CSI reruns.
Sincerely,
RJ
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