Oh, Upstairs Neighbor,
Do you know what I love about you? (Granted, we’ve never met, so the list is woefully short. I apologize.)
I love your willingness to blame me for every irritating noise you hear. Your faith in my ability to produce such a constant stream of sounds—and in such wide variety—is humbling.
But more than that, I love how fearless you are in expressing your displeasure by stomping around like a 500lb baby. Most adults use their words… but such a vigorous, primal response is awe-inspiring.
This morning, however, you really took it to a new level.
I realize that my bathroom fan is loud. It might even be comparable to a small jet engine. And, clearly, it’s all my fault.
I confess. Since apartment maintenance came out to fix the problem last year, I’ve been tinkering late into the nights, hoping (once again) to strike just the right combination of deep, whirring base notes and vibration to send you into a fit of rage.
This morning’s symphony of hammering on your bathroom floor (and other admirably loud construction-type noises I can’t identify) was obviously a proportional response to my using the bathroom fan for the 20-30 minutes it took me to shower and brush my teeth.
Perhaps if you weren’t awake and thumping around above my head at 3:00 a.m., my 8:30 bathroom time wouldn’t trigger such an honest, uninhibited reaction… Perish the thought! I do so love our new morning call and response routine. I hope it will continue for some time.
Although, I sincerely doubt that anything will ever top the time you sent security to my apartment at 11:30 p.m. for having the audacity to shower at 10:00, I do hope you will continue to strive for that kind of excellence.
I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed chatting with a stranger about “drilling noises” while wearing my pajamas. I wish I could do more of that.
Don’t ever change, Neighbor. If the thought ever occurs to just write a nice note asking me to call maintenance to fix my fan again, please, resist the urge. We must do everything we can to keep this spark alive…
We make such beautiful music together.
Sincerely,
RJ
Strongly Worded Letters 